so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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