Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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