Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were trust falling into bushes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
