The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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