I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
