So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
