I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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