Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I want is dick and wine.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
