you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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