I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
