so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
