Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
