I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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