I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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