she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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