if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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