I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
