She is in my trunk
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
