Im at strip club and am horny
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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