you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
