you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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