I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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