Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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