is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
