so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
