My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
