hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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