i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
