Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
