I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Damn victory sex feels great
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
