Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
