Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
