i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
