who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
