The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
