the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
