the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
