i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
