he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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