i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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