I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
