Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
