Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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