I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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