dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
