I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
either way he was missing a nipple.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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