We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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