That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
