you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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