at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
