We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
