i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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