I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
