at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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