I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
