I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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