i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
