rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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