Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
